Soften- Day 7 of the Self-Care Challenge

When I was growing up, I thought the only way to get ahead in life was to go hard. I got into a lot of fights to show how tough I could be. I was loud and made sure everyone knew not to mess with me. I played basketball with the boys. I tried to serve all aces in tennis. My goal in high school was a 4.2 GPA and I wouldn’t settle for less.

And what did it get me?

A burning desire to run away from my childhood.

Anger.

Grief.

Pain.

And for a long time, I didn’t know any other way to live. I equated softness with weakness. When I learned that it wasn’t, I didn’t think I could even be soft. I thought I was too set in my ways to let any sort of gentleness in.

That way of life has done irreparable damage to my body that I will never be able to recover from.

But, in the last few years (decade?), I’ve learned how to be soft.

And I learned that softness goes hand-in-hand with trust.

I had to trust that if I laughed, no one would judge me.

I had to trust that if I cried, someone would comfort me.

I had to trust that if I let go, I would be ok.

In my journey to accept my softness, I discovered a love for yoga I never had before. A love so deep that I took as many classes as I could and wound up getting certified as a yoga teacher.

Doing yoga makes me feel soft. It allows me to move my body joyfully, gently, and with power and grace. It accepts me where I’m at and I trust that the teachings will lead me to a gentler way of life.

This is me. I hate photos of myself because I know someone out there will say something about my big stomach, thick thighs, double chin, and thinning hair. How could I be a fitness professional with this body? But. I love this photo. Because I am happy.

Who cares what anyone else thinks, right?